In "Marrying
Absurd," Joan Didion exposes the deterioration of the institution of
marriage to accommodate convenience above values. In Las Vegas, marriage is
treated like fast food; drive-thru ceremonies are offered for under $20 and are
open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In these cases, Didion argues, the meaning
of marriage goes unappreciated as people are swept under the influence of
passion (or alcohol) and marry under impulse, rather than to celebrate a
meaningful relationship.
After reading Didion's piece, much of the dating/marriage culture in America seems kind of ludicrous. We see dating shows like "The Bachelor" and find it completely normal that ten girls are essentially dating the same guy at the same time while living in the same house. We even find ourselves rooting for certain people, judging who would look good together and who is really "in love" on a reality television show.
There is so much emphasis placed on "finding true love" in our culture, as evidenced by the burgeoning Disney princess movie/chick flick market to the millions of dollars made on the dating website industry. Love is (for lack of a better word) so romanticized in our culture, it's hard to say what can, in reality, be considered meaningful or not.
At its essence, a wedding is the celebration of a contract of commitment between two people. However, this contract is cheapened by the fact that divorce is so commonplace, or that it even exists at all. So, why are people scrambling to get married, when the only difference it makes is a ring and a piece of paper? Can’t a promise be kept without it being legally binding? And, going back to Didion’s piece, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, what difference does it make whether your ceremony is 10 minutes long or 2 days long?
As you can see by this incoherent post, I haven’t completely developed my opinions on these things yet. Keep in mind that this was all written by someone who hopes to meticulously plan out an extravagant wedding after finding her true love…but I’ll get back to you on that.
Some (depressing) statistics about marriage from drphil.com:
After reading Didion's piece, much of the dating/marriage culture in America seems kind of ludicrous. We see dating shows like "The Bachelor" and find it completely normal that ten girls are essentially dating the same guy at the same time while living in the same house. We even find ourselves rooting for certain people, judging who would look good together and who is really "in love" on a reality television show.
There is so much emphasis placed on "finding true love" in our culture, as evidenced by the burgeoning Disney princess movie/chick flick market to the millions of dollars made on the dating website industry. Love is (for lack of a better word) so romanticized in our culture, it's hard to say what can, in reality, be considered meaningful or not.
At its essence, a wedding is the celebration of a contract of commitment between two people. However, this contract is cheapened by the fact that divorce is so commonplace, or that it even exists at all. So, why are people scrambling to get married, when the only difference it makes is a ring and a piece of paper? Can’t a promise be kept without it being legally binding? And, going back to Didion’s piece, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, what difference does it make whether your ceremony is 10 minutes long or 2 days long?
As you can see by this incoherent post, I haven’t completely developed my opinions on these things yet. Keep in mind that this was all written by someone who hopes to meticulously plan out an extravagant wedding after finding her true love…but I’ll get back to you on that.
Some (depressing) statistics about marriage from drphil.com:
- 88% of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe they have a soul mate who is waiting for them. University Wire, Louisiana State University
- 60% of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. National Center for Health Statistics
- 50% of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage. National Center for Health Statistics
Lillian... I thought I was your "true love." :'( lol jk, I'm not that cool.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I loved your post! I thought the conversational tone and the fact that you openly admitted how you hadn't made up your mind actually made your writing much more credible and relatable.
Very interesting, Lillian.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I can't tell if you're judging me...
DeleteNot as hard as she judges second hour.
DeleteI agree with you Lillian. Love is supposed to be something personal, something that society shouldn't tamper with. But, in reality, our perceptions of something that should be so unique is crafted by Hollywood, a city which crafts fantasies that are emblematic of Las Vegas, mirages in which no substance, but the illusions of grandeur and dreams, lurk. And, truly, marriage, and indeed love, are no longer what one person wants for another. It's a dictated dance written by screenwriters who just want to write sappy nonsense that will sell seats, but end up selling dreams that cannot ever possibly come true. It's telling that every story we ever read, ever watch, ever hear, is a love story at its heart. These create unrealistic expectations for both genders, because neither side ever expects another raw human, full of emotion, but wants the reality that has been dictated to them by the movies, of a nuclear family with 2.3 children, of a lovely house, of a loving wife (or husband) who's prim and proper, dreams that cannot ever exist in the real world. And even our own concept of marriage is sullied by politicians who seek to bolster their own credentials; the state has no business dictating what marriage is, because marriage is a union of people, not rhetoric, or voting blocs, and it should only be what they want. It doesn't matter who, or why, or when, or where a marriage occurs. It is the height of arrogance and hypocrisy to condemn marriage as wrong, when even our own view of love is so fundamentally flawed.
ReplyDelete... also, arranged marriages aren't a thing. Just saying.
DeleteReally cool post! I liked your analysis of the piece and the facts at the end were very interesting!
ReplyDeleteReally nice post! I like at the end how you included those extra facts and I also agree with you on how there is much emphasis on finding true love.
ReplyDeleteThe humor in your post is well-placed. Even as you criticize the romanticism of "finding true love" in society, you admit to sharing at least some of the same beliefs, demonstrating the pervasiveness and persuasiveness of this idea in society. People are kept hopeful by the thought of finding "the one," and this hope is parallel to our ever-optimistic attempt to avoid reality. Ironically, this optimism is often the cause of failed marriages.
ReplyDelete