Marriage??

In "Marrying Absurd," Joan Didion exposes the deterioration of the institution of marriage to accommodate convenience above values. In Las Vegas, marriage is treated like fast food; drive-thru ceremonies are offered for under $20 and are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In these cases, Didion argues, the meaning of marriage goes unappreciated as people are swept under the influence of passion (or alcohol) and marry under impulse, rather than to celebrate a meaningful relationship.

After reading Didion's piece, much of the dating/marriage culture in America seems kind of ludicrous. We see dating shows like "The Bachelor" and find it completely normal that ten girls are essentially dating the same guy at the same time while living in the same house. We even find ourselves rooting for certain people, judging who would look good together and who is really "in love" on a reality television show.
There is so much emphasis placed on "finding true love" in our culture, as evidenced by the burgeoning Disney princess movie/chick flick market to the millions of dollars made on the dating website industry. Love is (for lack of a better word) so romanticized in our culture, it's hard to say what can, in reality, be considered meaningful or not.

At its essence, a wedding is the celebration of a contract of commitment between two people. However, this contract is cheapened by the fact that divorce is so commonplace, or that it even exists at all. So, why are people scrambling to get married, when the only difference it makes is a ring and a piece of paper? Can’t a promise be kept without it being legally binding? And, going back to Didion’s piece, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, what difference does it make whether your ceremony is 10 minutes long or 2 days long?

As you can see by this incoherent post, I haven’t completely developed my opinions on these things yet. Keep in mind that this was all written by someone who hopes to meticulously plan out an extravagant wedding after finding her true love…but I’ll get back to you on that.

Some (depressing) statistics about marriage from drphil.com:

• 88% of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe they have a soul mate who is waiting for them. University Wire, Louisiana State University
• 60% of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. National Center for Health Statistics
• 50% of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage. National Center for Health Statistics

"What a treacherous thing to believe, that a person is more than a person." -John Green

Manning sees his dad as a person so above him -- the "protector" of the family, always one step ahead so that he can always catch his son in case he falls. It's hard for Manning to escape that mindset until he's face to face with him, arm wrestling, and he realizes that he is going to beat him. All of a sudden, he understands that his father isn't all-powerful, but human. It is when Manning finally sees his father as an equal that he is able to fully grasp their love -- this arm wrestling which he once viewed as a competition is, in reality, a way of communication.

Even though I can't relate with Manning's physical relationship with his father, I think I really connected with the distance in their relationship that Manning felt as a child. At the beginning of the story, he respects his father, but is unsure of his father's feelings and yearns for a sort of acceptance or approval. However, at the end, their relationship becomes more tender, and he connects with his father on an emotional level. In this way, Manning asserts that the most emotionally rewarding type of love exists between those who consider each other equals. When you place someone on a pedestal, you are prone to turning a blind eye to any imperfections and imagining him as something he isn't (à la Gatsby and Daisy). At worst, this can lead to your getting hurt by an unhealthy relationship. At best, it creates a barrier that prevents you from being truly close with the person.

"Love isn't about seeing someone as perfect; it's seeing that they aren't perfect and accepting them and loving them anyway."

-my friend Shachi

Chinese-American

Amy Tan's "Fish Cheeks" discusses the weird place that many Chinese-Americans (or anyone who is stuck between two cultures, really) inevitably find themselves in -- the place where they have to either publicly display or deny their affiliation with "customs" like burping at the table and eating obscure body parts of animals. The weirdest thing about this place is that I've been there with my parents.
When I was younger, I viewed my parents as one-dimensional, wholly Chinese, and unaware of the "American ways". I always thought that I was more aware of the cultural differences, and more knowledgeable of the ways I should and shouldn't act. But, more and more, I realize that we're in the same boat, me and my parents -- actually, they are probably in a smaller, more dangerous boat passing through a sea of alligators, as they have obviously faced many more challenges and overcome more alienation than I since they immigrated here in the 80's. And though they have, of course, retained many of the values and habits of Chinese culture (we are a very stereotypically Asian family), their lives are in America. In fact, as of a couple years ago, they have officially lived in America for a majority of their lives. And, in fact, when my mom told me this piece of information, she jokingly asked me whether she was becoming a typical American. Although it doesn't seem like it, my parents are hyper-aware of the way American culture affects their lifestyles as well as their identities. In short, they're Chinese-Americans, too.
I don't think it's a matter of, as Tan puts it, being Chinese on "the inside" and American on the "outside"...I don't even really know what that means. My parents and I are all Chinese on the inside and out, as well as Americans through and through. My parents take care to preserve our culture and make sure my sister and I understand where we come from, but they truly take more care to love us and allow us do what makes our lives fulfilling, outside of any cultural context.
Happy Chinese New Year, by the way.

New Semester

In “Champion of the World”, Maya Angelou recalls her community gathering in her grandfather’s Store to listen to Joe Louis’s championship boxing match. She describes Louis as a symbol of black empowerment and details the tense feeling of anticipation in the room as they waited for him to prove that they were “the strongest people in the world.” Despite all the celebration after the Brown Bomber’s victory, Angelou still notices that it is still unsafe for them to travel late at night, and that whites still hold power in determining where blacks go and when. At the end of the story, African Americans are still distant from attaining equality.

Coming away from this story, I was a little bit confused about what Angelou wanted us to take away as her opinion on the whole event. In one aspect, she applauded Louis for being this otherworldly symbol of power for her race, but at the same time, she ended the passage on a borderline pessimistic note. It’s hard to say whether she aimed to give readers hope or dash their hope to pieces by asserting that victories like Louis’s do nothing to further Civil Rights. However, the fact that Angelou’s take on the memory is so multi-dimensional is what makes her autobiography so realistic to me, even if I’ve never been a black girl growing up in the South. After all, no impactful experience in my life has ever been exclusively positive or negative, so there’s no reason for me to expect Angelou’s experiences to be.